Rachael Stirling, an actor and daughter of the late iconic performer Diana Rigg, has addressed recent media narratives characterizing her as an “ash-guzzling savage.” Headlines appearing last month, such as “Rachael Stirling eats mother Diana Rigg’s ashes before going on stage,” have misconstrued a deeply personal grieving process as a bizarre, ritualistic consumption. Stirling notes that while some reactions to her actions have been marked by disgust, others have been rooted in recognition, suggesting that the profound impact of grief often leads individuals to act in ways that are instinctively comforting yet difficult to explain to others. An iconic actor with a 60-year career, my mother was Diana Rigg.
Diana Rigg, renowned for a six-decade career that spanned from her breakthrough as the leather-clad Emma Peel in the 1960s series The Avengers to her later, sharp-tongued portrayal of the Queen of Thorns in Game of Thrones, died during the Covid-19 pandemic. Stirling, who followed her mother into the acting profession, admits their relationship was complex, evolving from early disapproval of her career choice to a deep, enduring bond. In the wake of Rigg’s passing, Stirling wrote a book to help process her intense sense of loss and recapture her mother’s vibrant memory, noting that Rigg was never “earnest” but consistently honest. I’ve written a book about our relationship, All About My Mother, in which I do confess to nibbling a grain or two, but I didn’t expect to be portrayed as a matricidal cannibal by the press. Be-wimpled spouter of the best verbal roasts on television: “I’ve known a great number of clever men, young ’uns will know her as the Queen of Thorns from Game of Thrones. Old ’uns, meanwhile, go dewy-eyed at the memory of her leather-catsuited telly triumph as Emma Peel in The Avengers from the 60s, the first woman to perform kung fu on western television. She was also the only woman ever to marry James Bond. And her child-murdering Medea was the toast of Broadway, she appeared in The Great Muppet Caper because I was profoundly in love with Miss Piggy. She was a complete original and very witty to boot.
The logistics of the cremation followed Rigg’s own pragmatic wishes, which included no formal ceremony and a desire for her remains to be scattered in locations she loved. Stirling recalls the emotional weight of receiving the remains, which arrived in a plain box from a cremation firm in Yorkshire. The process of managing the ashes led her to navigate the market of “scatter tubes,” which she describes as poorly designed and lacking in character, often featuring uninspired imagery like sunsets or doves.
During a production of the play Scandaltown at the Lyric in Hammersmith—the same venue where she last saw her mother perform—Stirling decided to keep a small portion of the ashes in her dressing room. This room held specific significance, as Rigg had utilized the same space in 1985 while starring in Henrik Ibsen’s Little Eyolf. Feeling the pressure of a high-energy performance during a first night without her mother in the audience, Stirling inadvertently spilled a few grains of the ashes.
Describing the moment as one of sudden, instinctive impulse, Stirling recalls picking up the grains and placing them on her tongue, an act she found oddly grounding. While she acknowledges the absurdity of the situation, she insists the gesture was a private act of faith and a way to maintain a connection to her mother. She emphasizes that her mother would likely have understood this behavior, noting that Rigg often encouraged her to find truth in nature and was known for her own playful, physical displays of affection, such as biting, which she once described on national television.
The ritual provided Stirling with the confidence to return to the stage, serving as a reminder of their shared passion for the craft. She mentions that another grieving widow she encountered at a party shared a similar sentiment, validating the unconventional ways people maintain ties to their deceased loved ones. For Stirling, the act is not a “strange habit” to be sensationalized but a sincere, personal way to honor her mother, who remains a central influence in her life and work. And had countless honours bestowed upon her for her many stage performances, she won an Emmy and a Tony.
